i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My vagina is officially offended.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
