he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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