My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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