that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
