Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
