Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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