I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
