No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
