walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
