How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
