She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
