my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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