What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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