just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
