I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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