your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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