soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
