I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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