Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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