They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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