U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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