Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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