Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
