Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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