he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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