Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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