Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
