i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
