he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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