he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Randomize
