Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
