Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
