Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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