Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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