i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He passed out mid-signature
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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