It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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