did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just pee around me
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
