I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Randomize
