1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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