Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
only if we run a train.
done.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
