Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
