if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
