You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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