I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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