I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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