I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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