Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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