ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
