i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
