her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
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Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
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I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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