At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
