I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
