I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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