Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
