I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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