i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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