i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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