I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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