peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
