I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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