she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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