I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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