what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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