FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
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I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
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I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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