A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
